Haleigh's First Day Home!

We left the hospital on Monday morning. The insurance covered us staying 48 hours but the hospital let us stay until 9 AM Monday so that we didn’t have to leave at 3 AM – exactly 48 hours after her birth.

Adam had a test review in his finance class that he needed to go to. So he left around 7 AM and got back at 9 AM. That was the hardest two hours I’ve ever experienced. I woke up around 6 and Haleigh was sleeping so I got ready for the day. I ordered breakfast right when they opened hoping I could eat before Haleigh woke up. Just when my food got there Haleigh woke up. I started feeding her and in the middle of nursing she had a blow-out.  I tried to change her diaper but she started screaming and crying so I went back to nursing. I picked at my breakfast while nursing. She seemed to want to eat forever! She nursed for like an hour! Finally, I tried to change her diaper. She started screaming and I felt overwhelmed. I still needed to get dressed and pack up the room and eat and it was almost 9, the time we needed to check out. I pushed my nurse call button. “Can I help you?” “Could you please send a nurse to help me?” “What do you need help with?” “I just need help.” “Does she need to bring anything?” “No, I just need some help.” A few minutes later Terry walked in. This is the nurse who took Haleigh for 1.5 hours the other day without telling me where she was and why it was taking so long… She’s kind of an awkward person too. I asked her if she could help me while I change Haleigh’s diaper. “She’s fine, babies cry, it’s normal.” “I know but I just need help. Could you hold her binky in or something while I change her?” “It’s fine to just let her cry.” UGH, I just want help lady! I was so overwhelmed at this point and was holding back tears and she was totally unwilling to help. Finally she reluctantly held the binky in when she saw that I was about to cry.

After Terry left, Dr. Young came in. I felt awkward tension between us the whole time because he was originally going to delivery me but I could never get in to see him during my last month so I saw Dr. Parker. Dr. Young wouldn’t have induced me anyway. I was grateful that Dr. Parker delivered me though. Any other doctor would have done an emergency c-section but he was so patient because he’s so experienced. Haleigh was his 7,661 baby. He said he’s going to retire when he reaches 8,000. Anyway, I just felt awkward talking to Dr. Young that whole weekend. So he’s talking about scheduling my 6 weeks appointment…. Blah blah blah… baby blues will set in soon and then last for a few weeks…. Blah blah blah. I’m thinking ok, hurry it up. I need to pack up the room, I have a screaming baby, and I’m pretty positive that my baby blues set in once she was out of me…. In fact I’m holding back tears right now, please leave!

Right after he leaves, Dr. Wise comes in. She is still screaming at this point. Dr. Wise has never met us before; Dr. Whiting was the one that visited each day at the hospital because he was on call. The first thing he says is “Looks like you got unlucky with a colicky baby.” Um… excuse me, you don’t even know us! The nurses have been fighting over her because she’s the cutest and calmest baby here, you just caught us during the one time where she isn’t calm. He then goes on to explain that on paper Haleigh is doing great but she’s lost 8 % of her birth weight. “Yeah, but it’s normal to lose 5-7%.” “Well, yes, but I’m concerned that your milk hasn’t come in. It may never come in. There are some women who just never get milk. With her weight loss you need to start supplementing with formula or she won’t develop.” “I think she’s been getting enough. She’s been eating regularly and going through at least 8 diapers a day. She couldn’t be pooping that much if she wasn’t getting enough milk. I really don’t want to use formula. Doesn’t it give them gastro problems that can take up to 21 days to repair after giving formula?” “Well yeah, but it’s better than her starving. Just give an ounce of formula after each feeding. An ounce won’t do too much damage. Also, her bilirubin test came back high. You need to take her to the hospital tomorrow to get tested again. If it’s still high we need to give her light therapy. It’s normal for breastfed babies to have high jaundice because breastfeeding actually prohibits the liver from turning on. So you need to give her at least one ounce of formula to turn her liver on and get the jaundice down, after one ounce you can stop giving formula as long as she’s gaining weight.” This didn’t make sense to me at all. If breastfeeding prohibits the liver from turning on then how have all of us survived? What did they do back in the day when there wasn’t formula? I felt very discouraged after this. I felt like we were doing a great job breastfeeding and I was so proud of myself. Now I’m being told that I’m really not doing well breastfeeding and need to use formula which I definitely don’t want to do.

Adam got back while Dr. Wise was there. Once he left we were rushing to get out of the room. The nurse came to check us out. She told us to put her going home outfit on get her in the car seat then she’ll come back to check on us.  How car seat straps were too tight and we couldn’t figure out how to loosen them. We asked if she knew how, her reply was, “It’s the parent’s responsibility to learn their car seat.” Then she left and told us to get her when we figure it out…. Once we figured it out we went to get her and she sent Terry. L Terry walked us out to the car.

When we were putting Haleigh in the car my first nurse from labor and delivery, Paula, walked by. I love her! We showed her Haleigh and I started crying. That was when I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I cried the whole way home from the hospital. I kept telling Adam that I was fine but I couldn’t stop crying. I ended up crying the entire day at home. I just couldn’t stop. Adam and I would be having a normal conversation and I would just be sobbing. Lol. We were both laughing so hard while I was sobbing. At one point I was laughing and then looked down at my belly button and starting sobbing again “My belly button is still an outie…” followed by hysterical sobs. Hahaha.

I breastfed and we supplemented with formula. Later that night Haleigh started scream – crying. We had never heard anything like it. We were up all night trying to soothe her but nothing was working. It was clear that she was in pain. She hadn’t pooped since being home so we assumed it was constipation. We tried methods to relieve gas but nothing worked. Finally around 3 AM we called the pediatrician on call. We spoke to a nurse that disagreed with me saying that the formula wouldn’t cause gastro problems that quickly. She said that she’s hungry and we just need to keep feeding her. If my milk hasn’t come in yet we need to give formula. UGH so discouraging!

We said prayers but nothing would calm her down. Finally Adam gave her a blessing. Immediately after the blessing we felt that we needed to insert a q-tip into Haleigh’s rectum (something the nurse suggested). We did that and she immediately pooped and calmed down. We put her in the swing and then grabbed some blankets and camped out on the floor by her swing because it was too big to move out of the office and into our room. She slept from 3-6:30 AM.

Adam worked from home the next day so that he could be home with us. She was much better the next day.

Our Hospital Stay

Right after delivery we had a while trying to breastfeed and bonding. When we were ready we told our parents that they could come in. They saw her and spent a little while looking at her and asking me how I was feeling, etc. It was just chaotic. I felt like my head was spinning after all of this. It didn’t help that I hadn’t eaten since 11:30 AM and it was now 4 AM. We were exhausted. They transferred us to the second floor were we stayed for two days. After taking us to our new room Adam went with Haleigh to the nursery to get a bath. The nurses helped me go to the bathroom, gave me meds, and put me in bed. It was about 5 AM when Haleigh and Adam came back. We all went to sleep…. for about an hour. Haleigh woke up at 6 to eat. I can’t remember the order of how this all happened, but the nurse helped me use my nipple shield and I was able to feed her! After eating she farted and you could hear the poop come out! Haha. So I changed her diaper and it was pretty full. By the time I got back to bed, I had to order breakfast so that I didn’t miss out, then the nurses came in to check mine and Haleigh’s blood pressure, etc. Then Dr. Young came to check on me and then Dr. Whiting came to check on Haleigh. So it was about 9 AM by the time I got to sleep… My Dad, Lauretta, and Maddison came to visit around 11 AM. So needless to say, I didn’t sleep at all. Being so sleep deprived did not help with my baby blues. The doctors kept saying that when you get home the baby blues will set in. This was confusing to me because I felt them instantly. I just spend 13 hours of labor, of which 1.5 hours was pushing with no pain meds and didn’t really feel the reward. Here I have this beautiful baby but I didn't really feel like she was mine. When was this instant bond supposed to occur? Why hadn't I felt it yet? Am and I bad mother because I don’t feel connected to her?

The next day at the hospital we had family visit and mostly slept. We ended up having her stay in the nursery that night so that we could sleep. They brought her back to eat a few times but other than that it was nice to finally sleep. Haleigh makes a lot of noises when she sleeps and will all of a sudden start scream-crying but it will only be for a second, like a hiccup, and then stop. She’s dead asleep but she’s crying. I really did not want her to go to the nursery because I learned in my breastfeeding class that babies that room-in breastfeed better. However, I felt really proud of myself because we were breastfeeding really well with the shield on and she was going through diapers like crazy – seriously at least 8 diapers FULL, never just wet, a day. So it was worth it to me to get some sleep and send her to the nursery.

One day I had the nurse take Haleigh to the nursery to get some tests done and I sent her baby book with them to get hand and foot prints. The nurse said that it would be quick. Well, an hour went by and Haleigh was still gone. So I pushed my call button. The nurse said that she would find out what was taking so long and get right back to me. Another 30 minutes went by and I hadn't heard anything and she was still gone. I pushed the call button again. This time the nurse on call came to my room. She apologized and told me that Haleigh had to wait to get her finger prints done because there was a sick baby needing attention. I told her that was fine but they should have notified me or brought Haleigh back until they had time to focus on her prints. I didn’t like having my baby missing for an hour and a half… The next day life flight came and took that sick baby to primary children’s hospital. L I couldn't imagine that being my baby. I hope the baby and his/her parents are ok now. 

My Labor Story

My due date was March 22, 2013. However, when I was 37 weeks Dr. Parker did an internal exam and found that I was 60% effaced, she had dropped to a -2 and I was 2 centimeters dilated. He said that I have a very ripe cervix for being a first time mom. Lol. The next week I was 80% effaced, -2, and dilated to a 2. Dr. Parker said that I could go into labor at any moment because I’m so ripe. He stripped my membranes and said that he wouldn’t be surprised if she came in the next 36 hours. Well, the weekend passed and no Haleigh. I had contractions from 5 PM to 5 AM after he stripped my membranes but they were not consistent. Over the next week I had contractions but they weren’t consistent. Dr. Parker told me that if she didn’t come by the 15^th he would induce me if I wanted to. We decided to get induced because my dad decided to take a job offer elsewhere which would cause my insurance to change. So we got induced on Friday March 15, 2013 at 1 PM.

They started the Pitocin and my contractions were going well. They also had to put me on some penicillin because I tested positive for GBS. The penicillin was the only thing that hurt and it just burned and made my vain ache. Whenever I had to go to the bathroom we had to unplug me from all of the monitors and then I had to wheel my IV thing into the bathroom with me. It was quite a task… and I had to do it like every 30 minutes. Lol. I was already 80% effaced, she had dropped to a -1, and I was dilated to a 2. Dr. Parker came to break my water an hour into the labor. I wasn’t really in any pain but I decided to get the epidural then. They said that contractions get more painful after your water has broken. The anesthesiologist was leaving and wouldn’t be back for 3 hours so they told me I had to decide if I wanted the epidural before getting my water broken or wait for 3 hours until he comes back.

The epidural didn’t hurt at all. I felt a little prick from the local numbing shot but that was it. I didn’t really feel my water being broke, except the gush of warm water running down my leg. After that everything felt great! I was pretty sure that I was going to have the easiest labor ever. I was dilating a centimeter an hour, which is average. My mom and Karla came and were waiting in the lobby so we invited them in our room and watched movies / hung out. I took a nap and just relaxed. My mom had everyone guess what time Haleigh would come, how much she would weigh and her length. Gus guessed 3:30 PM haha… Everyone was pretty off. They all thought I would only be in labor for a few hours. My nurse Paula’s guess was 12:30 AM, 5.15 oz, and 17.5 inches long. My guess was 9:45 PM 5.10 oz, 17.5 inches long. After Paula’s guess everyone wanted a re-guess. Lol.

Around 6 PM Adam went with his parents and my mom to the cafeteria to eat. I was taking a nap and the nurse, Heather, came to check on me. We had finally finished my penicillin, which I was grateful for. She turned the Pitocin up, like she’d been doing every 30 min. I told her that I felt numb from the neck down and asked if that’s normal. She said I shouldn’t be numb past my stomach. The anesthesiologist turned off my epidural and said we can turn it back on in a few hours after it’s had time to die down a little so that I can start to feel my arms and chest again.

Heather had me roll over to the other side at which point Haleigh’s heart beat dropped from 160 to 90. She quickly put oxygen on me, turned off the Pitocin, and had me turn back to the other side until it went back up. I wasn’t worried when this happened because my friend Julia had something similar happen to her, except her babies heart beat went to 20 and she had a lot of nurses rush in and start doing a bunch of stuff to save the baby. I was glad that Julia told me about that because it helped me stay calm, which only helped the situation. It only took a few minutes to get her heart beat back up. She then turned the Pitocin back on. Pitocin goes in increments of 4 and you can reach a max dosage of 20, I was at 16 when this happened. So we started it at 2 to be safe. Thirty minutes later she turned the Pitocin up to 4 and the same thing happened. Haleigh’s heartbeat dropped to around 90. This time Adam and Dr. Parker were there. Dr. Parker was very calm and patient. A bunch of nurses came in and Dr. Parker assured them that everything was fine. The nurses put a wire in me, which was attached to Haleigh’s head to monitor her heartbeat from the inside instead of using the outside monitors. They also did something similar to monitor my contractions. We had to turn the Pitocin down again to 2. This caused my labor to slow way down. The Pitocin was too strong and it was causing stress on Haleigh so we had to take it nice and slow to keep her heartbeat steady. I stayed dilated at a 5 for several hours with little progression and then started dilating again 1 cm per hour again.

Around 12:30 AM Dr. Parker said that I was ready to start pushing. Instant relief came over me since I had been at this for a little over 11.5 hours and I was starting to feel a lot of pressure and pain. The anesthesiologist came and turned my epidural back on around 12 AM but only turned it to half a dosage to avoid numbing my entire body again. I kept telling Heater that my tailbone really hurt. She said pressure is normal but pain is not but the epidural will kick back in soon and I shouldn’t be able to feel very much again. My tailbone still killed after the epidural was turned on so the anesthesiologist came back and turned it to a full dosage, but I was still in so much pain. Adam had to push on it until I was able to start pushing. Putting pressure directly on my tailbone helped to relieve the pain a little.

It was now time to push. Heather told me that she and Adam would each hold one of my legs, I need to keep my chin to my chest take a deep breath and hold it then push for 10 seconds. We will do this 3 times in a row then give you a break. “Wait, I don’t have stirrups? Isn’t Dr. Parker supposed to be here for this?” “No, Dr. Parker will come in a little bit, and you’ll have stirrups then but for now we’re going to do this.” Naively I thought I would only push for 10 minutes and not even be able to feel anything like some of my friends did. I started pushing and could feel so much pressure. I could feel her head descending through the birthing canal and my body trying to expand to fit her through. I don’t know if everyone was just really nice or if it’s true, but they all told me I’m a good pusher and that I was doing really well. Heather kept cheerfully counting “10, 9, 8…. You’re doing so well…. 5, 4, 3, almost there…” They brought a mirror in so that I could see my progress from pushing, all of my friends recommended this because they couldn’t even feel the pushing part, but it was actually more discouraging for me because I could feel very well where she was and looking in the mirror only to see a quarter size amount of her head that never seemed to enlarge was frustrating. I felt like I was pushing in vain but everyone kept telling me that I was doing so well and I was a great pusher.

Haleigh’s heartbeat started to drop again. She stayed at 90-120 the rest of the labor. Dr. Parker was calm and said it would be ok but I needed to wear oxygen again and push only every other contraction, the Pitocin was turned off at this point too, which didn’t really matter since I was only at .5 compared to the original 16 I was at previously. I hated wearing oxygen because it dried my throat out and it was hard to get a drink when I needed one. I felt excruciating pain in my tailbone during the contractions when I couldn’t push. I have never been in so much pain before; this was definitely a 10. Pushing relieved the pain though and I knew that the better I pushed the sooner it would be over and I would get to see my precious daughter. After almost 1.5 hours of pushing, Dr. Parker came in and said we could get her out in one more push. I looked in the mirror, still not seeing very much head and I thought yeah right! Dr. Parker told me that if he says stop pushing I need to stop. So I began my pushing cycle and on the last time through he said stop so I did. He did an episiotomy, which I felt, and then pulled her the rest of the way out by her head. Her umbilical cord was too short for me to hold her. I couldn’t even see her because she was down by my feet. I saw her in the mirror a little but then she was immediately brought to the other side of the room where the nursery people measured her and what not. Respiratory was also there to monitor her since her heartbeat dropped so much during the labor. Adam was able to take pictures and they bonded instantly. She made eye contact with him and was very alert the whole time. Dr. Parker immediately started stitching me up, and I felt every single stitch. That was when my thought that the epidural didn’t take the second time was confirmed. In some ways I was proud of myself that I pretty much did it naturally. At least now I know that if I wanted to do it naturally one time I could. It was probably 20 minutes before I even got to hold her L. I tried to breastfeed and she was sucking by couldn’t latch on because my nipples were flat.  This is NOT how I planned it. I wanted her to go on my chest immediately and I wanted to breastfeed within the first hour. I felt so disappointed and baby blues set in immediately for me. I thought that after all of that work and pain I would have an instant bond and would cry or something but nothing…. Just discouragement.

Starting to blog again... for real this time?

I created this blog about 2 years ago.... I think I'm going to start posting entries for real this time. So here it goes...

XO Skins I will never use you again!

So once a upon a time, Adam and I went to the mall to get Invisible Shields by Zagg for our phones. On our way to the store, there was a kiosk for XO skins. We stopped to look. The owner's son explained to us how much better these skins are compared to Invisible Shield by showing us all of these examples of XO skins against other ones. They were more affordable than Invisible Shield, and we were told that they would replace it for free - for life- anytime we had issues with it.

So we came back a week or so after getting it when the air bubbles didn't go down like they were supposed to. They replaced it for free! Awesome!

Then my screen skin started to peel completely off and Adam's screen skin got all bubbly which made it difficult to see and glide easily to text.

We went back yesterday. The person working that day was a teenage boy, not the owners son we had previously worked with. There were no customers, and nobody around. I showed the person my screen and said "I need my screen replaced because it is peeling off and I have a life time warranty." "That will cost $5." "Why? When we bought it the owner's son told us that they will replace it for free for life and we've already had it replaced once for free. Why do we have to pay now?" "Because you do. That's how it works, it is $5." "That doesn't make sense. Plus, I'm really unsatisfied with it because we were going to buy Invisible Shields but the owner's son showed us how these skins last longer, but they aren't holding up like we thought they would." As I showed him how my screen was peeling all the way off and flopping around and how Adam's was all bubbly and sticky. "Well you can either pay the $5 or I can call security to escort you out." "Wow, what? We just want to get the service we were told we would get." "You're embarrassing me in front of my customers! I'm calling security!" Looking around at the barren corridor, "What customers?" As he looks up the number for security Adam and I stand there in awe that this is really happening. He gets them on the phone and Adam and I walk away as he's describing what we're wearing and other features...
We walked a distance away and talked about what we wanted to do. Obviously we couldn't even pay the $5 to have him replace it because he was so paranoid... so we decided to just bite the bullet and buy Invisible Shields. The only problem was that we had to walk right by that kiosk to get there...
So we casually walk by and the kid starts telling us to stop and describing loudly what direction we're walking and stuff. If anybody was embarrassed it was! Everybody at the mall is looking at us as this kid shouts what we look like and stuff. It was like everybody thought we robbed him or something...

We got to Zagg and had the best experience with customer service we've ever had! They gave us a free Invisible Shield in exchange for our crappy XO skins. We were only charged $1 for both skins and a take home install kit! WOW!

So now you know the truth... XO Skins really don't work like they tell you they do. I hope I've saved you from an awful experience with XO Skins. Go to Zagg where they'll treat you right!

Bringing Honey Home

On June 30th I flew to Midland for the last time. :) Of course, my flight was delayed. When isn't United Airlines delayed? After flying on UA 5 times this summer I vow I will never fly UA or Continental or any other airline UA owns, unless it saves me a lot of money.... in that case I will just plan to be stuck in the airport for an extra 3-5 hours.
At first I was contemplating just canceling my flight and not coming because I had a lot of tests to take and it was overwhelming to take 3 huge tests in 3 days when I could just stay home and have the whole week to go to the testing center whenever I wanted. However, I was blessed to take the longest test in one 6 hour period and be done with it. I had the option to take it again if I wanted but I decided to put my faith in my first score and be done with that so I could move onto the other 2 tests. I finished all of my tests and felt pretty good about them, but didn't know if it would be enough for me to pass. Every day my professor updated the highest score because our grades are based on a curve of the highest score. I packed and left to Texas with a prayer in my heart knowing that I gave it my all and it was out of my hands.
While I was in Texas I entertained myself by laying by the pool and reading while Adam was gone knocking doors until 10 pm. I won't lie, I watched TV sometimes. This commercial kept coming on about Sandals Jamaican vacations. Being a marketing major I know a lot of the tricks companies pull to rope people in, but I fell for it anyway! I called and talked to a travel agent from Sandals. We got 65% off (I know that probably isn't true) and a credit of $800 for our flight that was $1400. I consider this a pretty good deal, $600 for both of us to fly to Jamaica, all inclusive hotel on the beach with unlimited meals and drinks (Virgin of course!) and unlimited snorkeling, scuba diving, kayaking, water biking, golfing.... etc. It's going to be a wonderful Christmas for us! We wanted to go on a vacation in December during Adam's break from school but had a pretty small budget... I did overspend on this one but it's ok because we figure once we have kids we won't be able to just leave for a week anytime we feel like it. So we're going out with a BANG before the kiddos come!
Adam hit our goal that week. He accomplished his personal goal of getting more than 2 sales in a day and getting more than 6 sales in a week! Good job honey! I am so thankful to have such a hardworking man who is willing to sacrifice to provide for me and our future family! 
Adam and I left Midland early Sunday (July 3rd) morning. It took us an hour to just get out of Midland heading the right direction. hahaha! Midland is so confusing! It doesn't help that I have only been there once or twice for a day or two and Adam is directionally challenged. lol. We made it out though and had some fun stops along the way.
We arrived home in Utah at 1 am after a 16-17 hour drive. I am so thankful for Adam. He is so sweet to me! I have been so tired lately. I'm not sure what it is, but I can't drive. Even driving in the middle of the day from work in Provo to class at UVU I almost fall asleep at the wheel. It could be 2 pm or 9 pm and I'm falling asleep. Adam drove the majority of the time. I only drove an hour or so at a time and probably only drove 2 hours the whole way! My husband is such a sweet heart and does anything and everything to provide for me. I love him so much!

Picture 1- Area 51 Roswell NM.... Aliens.
Picture 2- Beautiful middle of nowhere leaving Midland
Picture 3- New Mexico

Now he's home and we have promised each other that we will never be apart for that long again!

Metal Container Industry

Today was just one of those days.... I feel so sad, and mad, and stressed, and frustrated, and just emotional. I'm hungry but nothing looks good. So I resorted to eating marshmallow maities for my dinner. Gross.  I will probably wake up in the middle of the night hungry because when I brush my teeth for the night, I don't like to eat anything afterwards. If I eat afterwards then I have to brush my teeth again. I don't want to brush twice! So I would rather try to sleep with a growling tummy than have to brush my teeth twice.
I think I've reached my emotional limit. I keep reminding myself "just 9 more days until I get to see Adam, keep pushing." I'm impressed that 5 weeks has gone by so fast, this week is dragggggggging though. I need Adam and I need him now, not in 9 days!
I had to read a case study for my capstone class that was like 20 pages! Case studies should not be that long. When I know I have to do a case study I usually procrastinate because they are only like 3 pages long max and then I just have 4 questions or so, piece of cake. Of course I left it to the night before and am now feeling overwhelmed with everything I learned about the metal container industry. I don't know what makes that industry attractive even after I read the 20 pages of who knows what. I'm writing this blog instead of writing my paper about this case. I just want to curl up in my bed and wake up with Adam to my side. 


The End. Blah.